The Things We Do For Kids

Many of you who clicked on this link might be expecting a beautifully written piece about how much we sacrifice for our children because we love them so much. However, I am not a mother and I am grossly under qualified to write any article that is touching especially about children seeing as I do not have any. The closest I can come to talking about that is to postulate at the endless amount of things that my parents did for me.

But Alas, this is purely a post detailing the most ridiculous things I have found myself doing as a full time nanny.
I am currently taking care of a 5 month old little girl who needs constant attention, not because she is upset, but in fact because she is happy. So if I take my focus off her for more that about 60 seconds she begins shrieking, a sound that would put the the Howler Monkeys at the zoo to shame. Because of her need to always have my completely undivided attention I have devised increasingly creative ways to keep attention while getting other things done (like eating, cleaning, or gosh forbid preparing her food).

So here is a list of some of the most ridiculous things I have found myself doing in any of the several nanny positions that I have held in the past 5 years:

• Improvising an entire lyrical dance to Hallelujah, specifically the Shrek version
• Wearing plastic spoons over my eyes and grass in my hair because I "look so amazing" and should "get married like this"
• Pretend to know way more about Star Wars than I actually do so as not to be outsmarted by a 5 year old. 
• Doing the Tango to Ke$ha music
• Really doing anything and everything to Ke$ha music
• Carrying on full conversations with myself as two different characters 
• Talking to an infant as if they are a fully educated adult with fully formed ideas and opinions
• Singing Disney songs in Character voices
• Using various parts of my body as percussion instruments
• Making up the most absurd nicknames just to keep kids on their toes. Like Sassy Pants, Sweet Potato Head, Mocha Choca Latte, Goober, Pookie, Etc...
• Making my face do things no other human being should ever see
• Making my voice do things that no other human being should ever hear 
• Reading out loud high brow news articles and books, because Goodnight Moon is so overrated

Case and Point: Somebody woke up early from their nap before I was done writing

Truly I enjoy my job so much and who else gets to try out characters, sing at the top of their lungs, and dancing like an idiot in a totally judgement free environment? The answer is not a lot of people, and for that I am eternally grateful that I get paid to be this ridiculous.