Irrational Fears

Blogtober14 has gotten real deep the past few days!! A secret, what makes us happy, and what are we afraid of!!! What if we are afraid of revealing too much on the internet?!?

Ain't that the truth!

I have a lot of irrational fears:

When I am walking towards a store with an automatic door... I am always afraid that the door wont open in time and I will just smack right into it.

I am always afraid that I am going to drop my phone in the crack between the train and the platform as I am boarding.

Whenever I am holding a knife I am afraid I will drop it on my foot.

I have a pretty significantly irrational fear that I am going to get poisoned, don't know how, where, or why but I am sure it is going to happen.


But in reality my biggest fear is not being happy. I am so afraid that in 10 years I am going to wake up and be unhappy with the choices I made in my life. Right now it seems like I have so many options, so many doors I can walk through that I am so afraid I will walk through the wrong one.

I know I can't predict the future, and if it makes me happy right now how can it be the wrong choice... but I am always afraid it will be.

Happiness is...

What makes me happy? A few months ago I did the 100 Happy Days Challenge on instagram and I realized a few things about what makes me happy.

First and foremost, my beautiful, talented, compassionate, and funny girlfriend! She has been the happiest part of my days since before we started dating almost two years ago!!!

Aren't we just the cutest! 

Ugh! I love her so much!

The second thing that makes me very happy is all my wonderful friends and family! 

Me, my mom, and my baby sister hanging out on Ohio St Beach! 

These crazy cats from college! 

And of course, the On Hiatus crew! 

Not to mention many others not pictured above!

And lastly but definitely not least, FOOD!! 

Easter morning breakfast at Ann Sathers

A whole duck feast from Sun Wah BBQ

I couldn't be happier with my life right now and I owe most of it to the wonderful people who make my days so very bright and fill them with laughs and good food!

My Secret Obsession

Would you like to know a secret about me, that you probably didn't already know? Of course you do!

But first I have a confession to make. Last night we drove all the way out to the suburbs to go to Chili's... Before you say anything, yes, there is a Chili's location downtown. But it wasn't about the restaurant (well it was a little bit about the restaurant) it was about the journey. We had ourselves a nice little adventure into the land of strip malls and sprawling parking lots.

Guys! Life happens here! 

Now onto my secret.... I have a secret wish that someday I will have a house with a breakfast nook and a reading room. This goes hand-in-hand with my not so secret obsession with all things cozy, warm, and comfy. I know that with the career path that I am heading down I wont make a lot of money and might never even be able to afford buying a house much less one with a breakfast nook and reading room. But if I could afford my dream home I would definitely have these: 

love the bay window and bookshelves

Cozy, comfy corner 

I love the breakfast booths! 

Or even a breakfast bar!

AHH! It's so beautiful! Does this count as a secret? I am going to count it as one because I don't like telling too many people, just in case... you know.

 Sometimes I obsessively scan through pinterest and dream about the house that I will someday never own. 

I am an Expert in....

Nothing! I don't think I could actually consider myself an expert in anything. Which is great because it means I still have a lot to learn!

However I actually use to phrase "I am an expert..." all the time. Usually in reference to not being good at something at all.

For instance if I am chopping up mushrooms for a salad, but struggling a little bit I will most definitely be like "I am an expert mushroom chopper! If there was such a thing as a professional mushroom chopper I would have that job, and be the best at it!"
It's not a very original joke seeing as I use it all the time, but if I can't make fun of my inability to do silly everyday things then who will?

Being an expert at something is a lot of pressure! At any point throughout your day people can come up to you and say "I heard you are an expert in Kung Fu, could you look at my  Bian Tui and tell me if I have good form?" or "So Ben told me you are an expert pianist, what exactly is an arpeggio?"

Therefore, I am a-okay with continuing to be a novice in most things I do. 

SUBJECT CHANGE:
I had my last Second City Level 4 class today. Next week I start Level 5 with Anthony LeBlanc. Then this happened on the way home: 

Marco made a new sleepy friend on the train. 

I am falling more and more in love with the people in my class every week! Thanks for always making me laugh!

Fall Fashion

I am super excited to share my fall fashion despite the fact that I am far from a fashionista (let alone a "Maxxinista"). I love everything fall (if you haven't already caught on) and therefore love fall fashion. But since the evil cloths fairy came and replaced all my cloths with the exact same stuff but a size smaller I don't have quite the selection I normally have.

This is one of my favorite outfits from last fall (and late winter/early spring...)

I always wanted brightly colored pants and I think these are perfect! The fun patterned sweater looked great with the teal (plus it was super duper warm). And no fall fashion post would be complete without an official nod to the classic gray peacoat, infinity scarf, and of course boots (ankle booties, tall boots, extra tall boots don't care as long as they're boots). I buy most of my cloths at Old Navy since its super cute and affordable. My teal pants, cozy sweater and peacoat are all from Old Navy. The gray ankle booties are a Payless purchase and the super cute infinity scarf is one of my favorite accessories borrowed from my girlfriend. 

Since I wont survive the winter on the one pair of jeans and 5 or so sweaters that actually fit me I will be taking a shopping trip, hopefully this weekend. If I could have my way I would have a an outfit that looks a little bit like this: 

Or even a teal coat... extra splash of color! 

This is my fall fashion: warm and easy going! 

I love all things cozy!

Crazy Dreams

The Blogtober prompt for today is Favorite Quote.

I have a sketch book full of quotes I have jotted down whether from songs, famous people, the bible, books, poems, or even my own head.  But it is so very hard to choose a favorite. 

When I first read this prompt the first thing that came to mind are the lyrics to Crazy Dreams by Carrie Underwood. I wouldn't even say it's my favorite song but I love the lyrics. 

Hello you long shots

You dark horse runners

Hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers

Hello you wild magnolias

Just waiting to bloom

...

Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players

Here's to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms 

There's a lot of wonder left inside of me and you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Here is a link to the song on Youtube.

I love the lyrics to this song because I feel like it applies to everything I am doing here in Chicago. I used to just be this little kid who would reenact scenes from plays, sing into my hair brush, and teach myself how to do the dances from West Side Story alone in my room. And here I am in Chicago saving pennies to pursue this dream that I can't even quite put my finger on. All I know is that I want to learn as much as I can! I want to learn to play guitar, to dance, and to sing. I want to become a better writer, comedian, artist, and person.

I listen to this song sometimes when I am feeling like my dreams are so big and the chances of success are so small. But it is nice to remember that sometimes even crazy dreams do come true!

My first high school production Our Town (I was Mrs. Webb on the right)

My latest show at the Second City Training Center with my Level 4 class

Childhood Memories and Broken Toes

First of all, I will say that I tried making the Chicken Green Chili recipe for the first time on my own last night, and it turned out incredibly well. I did have to make a couple of phone calls to my parents to clarify the directions (yes, it is actually as easy as the recipe says). I had a bunch of friends over to my house and enjoyed a little fall themed evening with soup and fall scented candles, and little paper light up pumpkin lanterns. And of course, because I am terrible at taking pictures, I completely forgot to take pictures of either the cooking process or my friends enjoying the feast... Go figure!

Anyway onto the post for today. Funniest childhood memory...
There are a lot of memories that I have from my childhood that are funny, and there are even more stories that my mom tells that are even funnier. But I settled on this story because I know for sure it is a memory I have and not a story that has been told too many times.

Totally irrelevant from the story; my little brother and I sitting in Rosa Parks' seat on her bus (Henry Ford Museum)

When I was probably 13 or 14 my little brother and I decided to play one-on-one soccer in our front yard. There are two reasons this was a bad idea...
1) Even though my brother is 4 years younger than me he was and is a much better athlete and soccer player than me
2) We agreed to play "brazilian style" as in barefoot.

This is a good place to mention that both of my parents are doctors. Something that I took for granted as a reckless child. Anyway, my dad was sitting on the front porch and warned us that if someone got hurt from playing without shoes on he would not help us.

And lo and behold, I kicked the ball when it was up against my brother's leg and I broke my toe. It was my pinky toe, which means you can do very little about it being broken. And let's just say my dad was true to his words. I was able to get my dad to look at it for long enough to determine that it was probably broken. And after much cajoling he told me that the only thing I could do was ice it and tape it up. But he wouldn't tape it up for me, I think is exact words were something along the lines of "I told you I wouldn't help you. When your mom gets home you can ask her nicely to tape it up for you."

I love this story because I think it perfectly depicts growing up with doctor parents.

Dad, little bro, and me at Burro Days in Fairplay, CO